"May I write words more naked than flesh, stronger than bone, more resilient than sinew, sensitive than nerve." _ Sappho

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Gabrielle Roth

I am no longer in the trenches of full-time, single parenting and a difference a year and a half can make! I have been bouncing around way too much after leaving my home of seven and a half years, in June of 2007. I am trying to find enough employment to stablelize a life had far more assumption that I could just move and set up, than has actually been possible. A big part of the instability I am experiencing is reflective of part of the country from which I knew I needed to move. A small college town, the job market is a tiered economy and I am an artist. I don't want to just clean houses anymore because I do have other skills and an education!
But what is the social fabric of this country anymore? I find I don't know how to understand Americans very well. I have lived my life facing the scary stuff in my family history and have emerged from those years with skills to cope, but I live with others in their environments and I have literally bounced from one situation to the next mostly out of reaction on the part of others. Is it something I am doing? This is the easiest place to start, huh? Is it the correct place to start? I don't believe so. Courage is really missing here in this land. It seems to have been trumped by reactions of all sorts_ negative, fear-centered reactions.
How does this happen across an entire country like a silent cancer, eating away at the self-confidence of a people?
I gave up active connection to many areas of my own true self while parenting, as paradoxical as that sounds. But I think this is part of what happens when one parents alone full-time. But those years are over now. So, why should I continue to have these sorts of responses with other adults? It doesn't make any sense to grow into the maturity years with such narrow navigation ability for life! Yet there are many, many adults who truly seem to have little to no tolerance for what they do not expect, who may in turn also not even be conscious of this truth! Hello! A little life-training is good for everyone. But maybe people need a little time and space. I may also be assuming to know it all_ afterall, I am the one who has been a wee isolated socially for far too long!
One area I myself off from has been to dance! So, this morning I rediscovered my Gabrielle Roth videos_ I put the one in the VCR (yep!) that I recently checked out from the local public library, which led me to re-look at the ones I already have but have not moved my frame to, in years and years! So, I found myself moving this morning in ways that were quenching to my bones, literally! I have to do this more just for me. You can treat yourself to this!
I also have been dreaming over this definition of "Somatics" that sits in front of me when I am at the computer: "The art and science of the interrelational process between awareness, biological function and environment, all three factors being understood as a synergistic whole: the field of Somatics."

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